Thought of the week

No one ever got rich by lying. Except Rumplestiltskin. But that was more good natured trickery.

 

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Give him a brontosaurus, he’s set for life (assuming he has adequate refrigeration facilities).

 

If you have narcolepsy, probably avoid becoming a bank robber because I can think of a few situations where it would be very, very inconvenient to fall asleep if that was your job.

 

Every time you burp, a fairy gets a back spasm.

 

In 1973 the Easter Bunny and Santa had a fight. It was a draw.

 

If you always think of the salt in the ocean as fish tears, then don’t. It’s a depressing thought and in reality most of the salt is from minerals in the earths crust. Although I guess a little bit must be fish tears, so maybe it wouldn’t hurt to take a moment and think of sad fish.

 

Never loan your friend money. You know the guy we’re talking about. He’s just going to buy a snake board and he already has one anyway.

 

If the walls could talk they’d probably say “ouch” because the roof is very heavy.

 

If you see your glass as half full and your friend sees theirs as half empty, steal their glass so you have a totally full one and teach that pessimist a lesson.

 

Don’t believe the ancient Indian phrase “If you ever shiver, touch a tigers liver”. A lot of the meaning has been lost in translation, and if you touch a tigers liver, the tiger will almost always eat you.

 

“He who wears crocs wears the insults of all men.” – William Shakespeare. (So wise Will).

 

There is only one remaining Snuffleupagus on earth. And they make him live in captivity and do a TV show. Disgusting.

 

Do you think we’d make any money marketing pencil cases with your favourite band names and personal crushes already scribbled on the front?

 

You know the movie The Sandlot Kids was actually just called The Sandlot? I always called it The Sandlot Kids.

 

When are The Beatles releasing a new album? C’mon guys, it’s been ages.

 

Tell your mates…